An Audacious Black Girl’s Reclamation After Divorce

In this season finale of Audacious Black Girl, I’m sharing the most personal chapter of my journey — not as a story of loss, but as a story of reclamation.

For a long time, I thought the hardest part of my life would be the ending of my 20-year marriage. As devastating as it was — and as difficult as the decision had been — what I came to understand is that the hardest part was losing myself inside of it. In this episode, I reflect on the quiet unraveling that led me to the hardest decision I’ve ever made, and the courage it took to finally choose myself — not just in words, but in action. What it took to choose radical self-love, radical self-respect, and overcome intense heartbreak and disappointment to lean into the sacred acceptance of endings. 

I talk honestly about grief, fear, and the deep healing work that came with releasing a long-term marriage that no longer aligned with the woman I was becoming. What felt devastating also became an initiation — a return to myself. Through this process, I reclaimed my voice, my sovereignty, my intuition, my time, my peace, and my alignment.

This episode is for anyone standing at the edge of a difficult decision, or learning how to find their footing after an ending. This is not a story about failure. It’s a story about my becoming.

Have a topic or question you want me to explore? Please email me at amanda@audaciousblackgirl.com!

Follow me on Instagram @audaciousblackgirl

Transcript

Amanda-Host: 0:00

Hey everyone, welcome to the Audacious Black Girl Podcast. This is Amanda. This is the final episode of this season. And I'm gonna take a deep breath because this is an episode I think that has been a long time coming for me to share. A long time coming for me to really just talk about what I've been navigating for some time now, and it's in relation to my marriage and uh the biggest transition I've had, I think, in my life so far, which is um reclaiming myself and um divorcing. So, this episode we're going to just talk about what that experience has been like for me and talk about um what I'm reclaiming in myself and what I was navigating and how I am where I am now in this space of feeling so much more grounded and so much more free. Um and uh yeah, let's get into it. So, for some time now, a long time it feels, I really thought the hardest part of my life was losing my marriage. Like it felt devastating to navigate all that I was navigating, you know. But the truth really is that I needed to honor myself. I needed to look into this hardest part of my life, this decision that I wasn't making, and choose to honor myself because I lost myself, lost myself in my marriage, lost myself in trying to save it for years, just honestly feeling like a fraud as an audacious black girl. Now I know I'm audacious, I know I've had so much success in my life, and um you know that I I've shown up, I think, in a way that aligns with who I am thus far, but there was that piece of me that felt like I was a fraud because I wasn't applying that audacity to really truly choosing myself because you know, knowing that a relationship, a long-term marriage, that it's come to a close, um, it was hard to let that go, you know. It's still challenging at times. Um, I'm officially divorced um as of a couple months ago, um, but it was something that I really had to look at and really kind of um really honor that this was a chapter that was closing and that it wasn't going to break me. As devastating as it was, I recognized that it was a necessary thing to do for me. And I think as women who are married or long-term relationships, especially if you have children as well, to add on top of that, um, it's so difficult, it's not an easy decision to make. But I remember telling myself that you know what, this is my mountain to climb, and that I had to choose my hard. It was either gonna be hard in navigating a marriage that was just really difficult, or hard in me choosing myself and recognizing that it was time to be in alignment with the woman that I was becoming, to care for myself, to truly love myself, not only in words but in action, and you know, move on. So if you are listening to this episode and you're resonating with it, and if you're standing at the edge of a decision, whether it's you know, a marriage or career, whatever it might be, a friendship, relationship, family issues, if you're standing at the edge of a decision, I hope that by the end of this episode, even though it's focused on my biggest transition in into being a single woman, a divorced woman, I hope that you can learn that you can survive and you will survive. Not only survive, but that you can and will thrive. So this story, my story, it's not a story about failure. It truly is a story about my becoming. So the season that I'm in right now after divorcing is what I'm calling my reclamation season. That feels like the right word for me because I recognize that the divorce and the ending of my relationship, my marriage, you know, for 20 plus years, um, it really serves as um an initiation for me. An initiation into reclaiming my voice, my body, my intuition, my time, my peace, my clarity, my alignment. Like I definitely feel like the difference that, or what I'm noticing now is that leaving the marriage, divorcing, is allowing me and has allowed me to really come home to myself, to really return to myself and to really elevate and evolve. And those are two words I've been using so often in this season as I move forward with my life, as I move forward in my alignment, is that I'm evolving and elevating in so many different and beautiful ways. I feel so grounded in who I am, and the this being separated and divorcing and making those decisions and moving out. I've moved out, I live on my own now. Um, you know, there was so much healing that I had to do in that process. This was not easy. This was not easy. This was the most, like I said, devastating and heartbreaking thing that I've ever had to go through, that I've ever had to decide to do because I know how much I fought for my marriage, I know how much I I've done, the work I put in. And the reality is, you know, I'm not gonna bash my ex-husband at all. We have a really good co-parenting relationship and fostering a really grounded um friendship, but I recognized that I was in it by myself, and I couldn't fight for a marriage, for a relationship, for a partnership on my own, and it took a lot for me to realize that, and even in that, I recognized you know my own abandonment wounds, right? Like through all of my healing work that I've done, oh I I I just like I did so much work with my my child self. I did so much work with like my shadows, with all the things that I not only was unable to confront or too scared to confront, but wounds that I didn't even know existed. Oh my goodness, the level of work, deep dark work I did was like it was it was a lot, it was a lot, and I was definitely in such a dark space for so long, so long, that I didn't even realize that I was walking around in that darkness in everything that I did. Even looking back at pictures during a lot of that time, especially the last several years, I can see just the sadness behind my eyes, I can see the darkness behind my eyes, and you know, I didn't know that it was because I was in a marriage that was breaking me, that I was in a marriage that I felt dimmed in and unloved and unworthy, and now I can look at myself and I see how much I'm glowing, and I see that it's so natural for me to to illuminate. And what I recognize is that I was never supposed to be dim. I wasn't I was always supposed to be the center of my life, you know. I think a lot of us um orbit around our lives, right? Like we aren't we are not the center. We you know allow our relationships, our partners, our children, our work, everything else to be the center, and we're just orbiting around, fitting ourselves in. And I recognize that I wasn't centering myself and that I wasn't the star of my own life, but now that I am, I'm shining, I'm illuminating, I'm glowing, and it just feels so so beautiful, and it feels so natural to be in this space right now as well. I don't feel like I'm forcing anything, I feel so soft, I feel so feminine. The way things are just um aligning for me, it just feels so magical, and it was because of making the decision to choose myself, you know, and I think that well, I know that it was the right decision, and I know that everything that I was navigating, all the challenges, all of the questions, all of the fear or the anxiety, all the things that I went through, all the success, my education, you know, getting my degrees, you know, having a career, being able to have multiple multiple streams of income, fighting for a marriage that there was no fight left, you know, like I recognized that all of it was in alignment. Like I can look back now and look at the the breadcrumbs and be able to connect all of the dots and recognize that everything was always going to turn out this way. You know, I recognize that things, even though life gets challenging, there's certain things that shouldn't break you in that way. Actually, let me backtrack. I would say often actually that I had to break open so that I can break free. Because I broke open in so many ways, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, I had to really see exactly what I was looking at, exactly what I was experiencing, so that I can break open and break free. And I've said in other episodes that I do these silent retreats quite often, and I remember uh I think it was last year, maybe it was in 2024, um, in one of the silent retreats I was on. Like, so I'll I'll break it down or give you like a picture. So the place that I go to, there's a lodge and there's just a lot of land to roam around. And usually I roam around the land and just kind of like be in nature and you know take in the silence. But this one time, I literally physically could not leave the lodge, and even when I attempted to leave the lodge, there were just things like there was bugs, there were just things making me turn around, and God was telling me to stay inside, to stay inside home, right? In that lodge, and so I exited the lodge. I'm like, I'm going for a walk. So I left the lodge, and as I'm walking down, there was a sign, and actually, no, what happened was I heard something above me, and I said, God, if you don't want me to walk around here, you gotta give me something more. And then something dropped from the tree, and it turned me around, and there was a bee buzzing as well. It turned me around, and when I turned around, there was a sign, and it said, Be still and know I am God. And I walked right on back to that lodge, and I journaled on that, and I recognized the message I got from that day of the silent retreat was that I needed to focus on home, not only home and what I was navigating in my home, um, but home within myself. You know, I think a lot of us are busy just kind of like, you know, distracting ourselves, right? I feel like I was doing everything else but addressing the elephant in the room. I just thought I'll just keep working hard at it. I'll just keep working hard at the marriage, I'll keep going, I'll keep going, trying to earn some healthy semblance of love and respect and worthiness. Um, I'll just work my way through it. And that wasn't how it was supposed to be. I needed to pay attention that things weren't good and that I was really in a dark space and that I couldn't any longer distract myself from what I needed to navigate and and recognizing the truth of what I was navigating, right? Recognizing the truth of what I was dealing with. And you know, now with the divorce and the distance I have, you know, I see things so much clearerly now. I can see how much I was making myself small or f or being made maybe to felt small, I think, in some ways, because I learned to accommodate, I learned to dim my light, I learned to continue to fight, I learned to keep silent, I learned to just not stand up for myself because what I received in return um just wasn't healthy, it wasn't helpful, it wasn't something that I felt was um going to grow the relationship or honor me at all, you know. So I I recognized the cost of not paying attention to myself, the home within me and my home was continuing to live in that darkness, you know, and like I said, I felt like such a fraud for so long because of this I want to say ball and chain or anchor that I had. Like every step I took, I just really felt like um there was just something I wasn't addressing, and I knew what it was, but it was you know, it's hard, it's hard, you know, being married for 20-something years, no no woman gets married for that, stays married for that long um without working hard to save it and to lose it, right? Um and I'm not even gonna say I'm saying losing, but I think it just really was a release, an ending that was inevitable and that was going to happen no matter how much work I put in, no matter what was going on, everything was always leading to that moment, you know. And I think for many of us women, there's so much labor that we carry, not only in our relationships and marriages, and if we're moms or whatever, whatever other roles that we have, but I recognize that you know, love like real love, it never should require me to erase myself from my own narrative from my own life, right? Love shouldn't require like this self-erasure. Love shouldn't feel illuminating, it should feel evolving, it should feel elevating, you know. And I also recognize that you know being chosen, you know, being paid attention to, um, it shouldn't have meant me abandoning myself, it shouldn't have meant me feeling abandoned, and you know, I think those are the costs of this feeling I had of just staying small, you know, and and not really living in my true and full energy and essence, you know, and even as I was grieving the marriage and relationship, these were things that I was really recognizing in in my healing journey. And I've been healing for a long time, um, I would say a year and a half. The moment we separated, I started my healing journey and uncovered so so much about what I was navigating because at the end of the day, no matter what was going on, I needed to focus on myself so I can I can grow, so I can evolve, so I can be the best version of myself that I could be. And even in all of the challenges and healing and darkness that I was navigating, you know, I really had to allow the devastation that I was feeling and a heartbreak to be real because you know, there was a dream and a hope that I was mourning, not just the person, right? Like in my husband or me, who I thought I was, you know, I really had to sit with the devastation and sit with the pain, sit with the hurt, and it was it was hurtful. Um, I had to grieve all of that, I had to be present with all of that. I had to recognize how grief was showing up for me, you know, it was showing up for me and just feeling exhausted all the time. Oh my gosh, my heart felt so heavy all the time. Like I was dealing with a broken heart, like I could literally feel my heart breaking. It oh my gosh, I just remember I'm just reflecting on how difficult that was to feel, and all the little things I was doing to kind of help me heal my heart, but there were just moments when it was just so broken, and like it's I I literally couldn't almost feel air going into it, like that's how broken open it felt. And I also had to recognize that you know, even though I was feeling all of that, that it didn't mean that the decision was wrong, right? Because it's like I say it's easy to kind of go, oh, I shouldn't be feeling these things, this is wrong. I knew that that breaking open or that broken heart and the brokenness that was feeling was me breaking open so I can could break free. So, you know, I had to sit with all of that, and it was heavy and it was difficult, and you know, for me, this isn't about villainizing anyone, not myself, because I felt really bad about myself. I felt bad for what I was quote unquote allowing myself to go through because of the wounds, because of things I didn't recognize I was dealing with, you know, and it wasn't about villainizing my ex either, you know. I recognize that he's human, I recognize that he has his own battles and wounds that he has to address, but I also recognize that I didn't have to be the one receiving the negative impact of all those things, right? You know, I think as women, sometimes we just sit with the pain, sit with their own emotional baggage because we think we can hold it, not recognizing how it's impacting you and how it's making you small, how it's making you, you know, accept less than you deserve, how it's making you perhaps walk on eggshells, you know. So I although I recognize now, um, even back then, his humanness, I also had to accept and understand that I deserved better, I deserved more, and that I didn't have to sacrifice my peace, my happiness, my heart because of you know, holding his. Or anyone for that matter, um, emotional baggage. So choosing myself, like it was not a pretty journey. Like I said, it was quite devastating. A lot of tears, a lot of like I remember taking videos of myself just so that I can have something to go back and look on. And even now when I go back and look on them, I just I feel like I feel like I was a different person. It's like I'm looking at a whole different person because where I am now, drastically different. I feel like I am, and I know I am in alignment with the woman that I was always meant to be, and that I'm still evolving and elevating into her, you know. But it's not a pretty journey, it's not supposed to be pretty, but oh my, once you kind of go through that, you you can and will come out on the other side thriving, thriving, and it's as difficult as it is, it was definitely worthy to be talking to you right now without crying, without feeling all that heartbreak that I was going through. And there's still tender moments, but because of my growth, I recognize that I trust myself to get through any moments of difficulty, I trust myself to navigate any challenges, and that any bits of tenderness that come up, that I'm able to look at it from a place of grace and compassion because I recognize that that was the old version of me. The woman I am right now talking to you, completely different woman, completely different. I remember one of in one of my um visions I would have during meditation, it was throughout this whole time that I've been healing. It was always me, the version that I was, my past version of myself, like on this journey with a backpack. And on this journey, I was on this pathway, and at the beginning of it, of the pathway, the trees were bare, the plants were bare, and I remember there was a beautiful tree like on a hill, and my higher self was standing up there, and she would look at me, smiling, and I would look at her just for you know, certainty for assurance that I was doing the right thing. And as I was going on this journey, she was always watching me and just smiling and loving me and supporting me, knowing that I would make it through, and I would look at her knowing I would make it through. So the more I went on the journey, you know, the plants and the trees they started to blossom more, they started to bud and then blossom and flourish. And then I got to the point where I made it to the tree. Me and my higher self were at that tree, and we were there for a while. Um, and it wasn't until recently where um in one of my meta meditations, the vision came to me of me and my um past self at a tree, and I recognized that I needed to cut a cord with her. I was thinking so much I was had to cut a cord with my ex, you know, that emotional spiritual cord. Um, and I did that, but in this vision, what it was was I had to cut a cord with her, my past self. And I remember looking at her, telling her, it's okay to rest now. And she said, It is, and I said yes, and she just dissolved at the root, the base of this tree, into these beautiful purple flowers, and I recognized that I was holding on to her because I thought that she was supposed to come along with me on this journey, but I had to let her go, and I honored her and I love her so much because that version of me, I was crying because she went through so many hard moments, she made the most difficult decisions of our life, and I'm so grateful for that version of me because she got me to where I am now, and um, I'll never forget her. I love her so much, I don't want to cry thinking about it, but I really thought that she was supposed to come on this journey with me, but uh I had to let her rest. I had to let her know that her job was done, that she did everything she was supposed to, and that it was okay for her to rest. And that I got it from here. That was hard. That was really hard. I even also would also meet with my younger self, my nine-year-old self. We met often throughout this healing journey, and we would sing and dance, and we would sit under the tree, and we would look at the moon, and I would play childish gambinos with she, and we'll just be dancing and having a good old time. And then last week in one of my meditationslash visions, she came to visit me and was sitting at the tree, and I was so happy. I was gonna tell her everything that I'm doing and feeling, and then she looked at me and she said, I have to go. And I was like, What do you mean you have to go? And she said, It's time for me to leave. I'm free because you're free. And I'm like shaking my head, crying. I'm like, What do you mean you have to go? What do you mean free? And she says that uh that I freed her because of the decisions I made. I freed her because I'm choosing me, and that she trusts me to take care of myself, she trusts me to nourish myself, she trusts me to make decisions that align with the woman that I am and the woman I'm becoming, and that because of that she can go back to her time and know that she'll be okay, and that not only do we survive what we navigated as a child, but that we thrived, and that was as devastating as that was. I felt so grounded, I felt so just like she trusts me, and now I can think about nine-year-old me in her timeline and know that she's okay, and that she's okay because she knows that I'm okay, that I made decisions, and I'm making decisions that honor her, that honor all that we ever thought we would be, and that I am exactly who I'm supposed to be right now because I chose me. So my past version of myself that went on that journey, and my nine-year-old self, they're okay, they're resting, and now it's just me. I honor the fact that they did so much to get us, to get me to where I am today, and that they were a part of the journey, they are the journey. And my younger self told me, I'm not gone because I'm in your heart. You can always think about me and dance and look at the moon because she's always there. But that was hard. But that's the depth of the work that I did, the depth of the healing, you know, and some people they would have probably looked at my marriage and thought that things were just so amazing, right? But like they don't know what I was going through. They may have they may have looked at the divorce and you know not understand all that I needed to heal from. I'm talking about me. I know he has his own healing, but that's not my business. I care about him absolutely, but he has his own work to do just like I have my own work to do, and I I can't hold his emotional space and baggage while I'm healing. And we're divorced, so it's not my job. And it should never be my job, but the depth of healing that I did, the depth of like soul searching, ancestral work, like spiritual work that I did was deep. So when you see me glowing right now, when you see me thriving, know that it came with true, true work, God's grace, believing in God, believing there is so much more to me than I ever imagined, because God's dream for me is bigger than anything I could ever imagine. Just know that I did the work. Something else I wanted to add is that I was as I was kind of going through the healing journey through the separation and through the divorce, I received so much confirmation. There was so much synchronicity that came up for me reminding me that I'm in alignment. You know, I don't know if you believe like in angel numbers or anything like that, but I would see you know, 111, uh 1111, 222, 333, 444, and my birthday 1013, all the time, everywhere I turned, even now, it's a bit less now, I think, because I've made those really difficult decisions, but I constantly was receiving the this confirmation that I was in alignment, and when you see your birthday, that tells you it's there's a completion coming, and this also 2025 being a year of endings because 2025, if you believe in numerology, equals the number nine, and nine is completion endings, and next year 2026 is equals the number one, um, and that's rebirth beginnings. So everything has always been in alignment, and all these synchronicities were coming up, just always allow me to ground myself, even when in those, especially in those moments that were really difficult, reminding me that I wasn't alone, that my ancestors, especially the women's ancestors, like they would speak to me through my womb. Like they would tell me, you're doing this for our ancestral line. This isn't just about you, but that I would about me, but that I was at the cusp, and that they were speaking to me through my womb, holding me up, guiding me in making this decision to choose myself, because in choosing myself, I was allowing them to become free as well. So, so much synchronicity, so much work I was doing. And once again, I'll say again, everything was leading up to this, like nothing was ever this was always gonna turn out this way, you know. When I think about the fact that the friendships I've cultivated over these past, oh my gosh, four to five years with these amazing women who have just held me up throughout this time, you know. My career and always going back to get my degree, no matter how difficult life was getting, or as a mom, as a spouse, as a military spouse moving around. I went back to get my bachelor's degree when I had two kids. I went back when I had three kids. Now I'm a clinical therapist, I have my therapy practice, I'm a professor, I'm a speaker. You know, the the I feel I know how resourceful I am, I know that I can make money, and I always had this thing in me to never give up on myself no matter what I was navigating. So, once again, everything was always leading up to this. And then traveling alone, you know, I did a lot of activities alone on my own, um, because I just recognized that the life I wanted to live, that I had to start living even while married, that I needed to start doing things on my own and not realizing that what that was actually leading up to, right? Once again, now I can look back and connect the dots. Like I remember a couple of times, a couple of trips I went on. Um, I was at the airport by myself, I think I was going to a speak in engagement, and I remember God telling me the download I received was this is your life. You'll be traveling and you'll be doing these things confidently on your own, and that I'm just being set up for success, set up for my independence and my freedom. So everything was leading up to this moment of my freedom, my reclamation, my evolution, you know, my my elevation. And the biggest thing for me was choosing faith over feelings of doubt and uncertainty. And at every moment, one of my mantras became God didn't lead me here to leave me here. You know, there was this moment when I was like, oh my god, this is hard. This is I need to I need to stop this process. Actually, let me not. I never thought about stopping the process. What I thought about was how can I make this easier? But there was no making anything easier, there was only getting through the hard thing. There was only climbing this mountain and knowing that once I climb it, I would be unstoppable, that I would be at the summit shining and feeling accomplished and feeling so powerful and empowered. Um, so you know, choosing that faith over doubt and uncertainty served me so very well, and it kept me just on the journey, kept me going as I was traveling. Like I said, on the the vision I would have about traveling on this journey, it was faith. It was recognizing that there was going to be a beautiful end goal and that I was gonna become the woman that I was always meant to be by continuing on this journey and traveling on it, knowing that I had the tools in my backpack, knowing that as long as I kept going, I was always going to get there, that I was always gonna get here. So, who am I now? My life right now, I just feel so much more grounded, so much softer, so much freer, so much more feminine. You know, I feel like there's this air about me. People are telling me how much I glow. You know, I feel my glow, I feel my illumination. I'm speaking up, I'm stating what I need and what I want. I'm not forcing anything anymore. Like I'm in a season of just receiving, you know. Right now, I've entered my dream season for the winter, and I'm just in a season of receiving downloads, of being um, you know, incubated, of hibernating, because I think that's what winter is about. When I want to be more in flow with the seasons, so in this dream season, I'm just in a space of receiving, and it's so soft, it's so feminine. Um, you know, and it's so funny thinking about this feminine space I'm in right now, um, and how it just so it doesn't feel like not anything, really. I was describing that to a friend the other day, like it just feels like nothing. Maybe it just feels light, it doesn't, it just feels natural. Like I was going into the Starbucks um the other day, and you know, I look cute, and it's not really about just looks, but I think the energy about me, you know, this man opened the door and he was just staring at me, and then I get inside, and this other man was staring at me, and a woman was staring at me, and I noticed that people would always look at me, right? But I always shy would shy away from that, but now I'm just like, Oh, there's something they see, and they can't help but look. So, anyway, as I go into Starbucks, I pick up my little coffee and um food, and the guy that opened the door he held it open. He was waiting for me to get my food. He didn't want me to touch the door, and he said, Um, you know, I got it, I got it for you. I'm like, Oh, thank you. And then his car is parked next to mine. This is an older gentleman, so I was gonna put my coffee on the top of my car and open my car door. He says, Oh no, don't you do that, don't you dare do that. I'm gonna open this door for you. And he opened my car door, made sure I got in safely, and closed it. And that felt so expected, it felt so natural. I was absolutely in my feminine and receive mode, and the world, my environment shifted for me, and I recognized too that that is what I deserve. I deserve to feel soft, I deserve to feel feminine after being in a masculine energy of doing and fighting for so so so long. What I deserve is softness, and what I deserve is to just be in receive mode, and that's what I'm cultivating, and it's just happening so naturally, so naturally. Another thing I've noticed is because I've moved out of that survival uh space that and like I'm not so stressed as I used to be. Oh my gosh, like my body physically has changed. Like, I don't know if I lost weight or not. I'm not really checking, but things feel better for me. My clothing feels better, I feel better in my body, even when it comes to eating. Like, I don't even I literally probably eat twice a day. Like, I don't eat as much as I used to at all, and I'm not even like hungry to eat, I don't have a desire to you know, um try to heal with food, and it just and it just became this natural transition that I've just recently noticed. Like, I'm not as hungry as I used to be. I'm not just grabbing snacks and food, so so much has shifted for me, even physically, um, in my body. You know, I'm also not rushing to like define this part of my life, besides it being a space of evolution and elevation. I'm not rushing anything. I and that's the feminine energy, that's that softness. I'm just in flow, and because I know I'm in alignment, I can rest in that, and I know in the downloads I receive, the messages God and spirit has been giving me for so long is that I am just be. I've done the hard work, I've done the survival, I've done all the hard things, and now I'm just in a space of receiving. And the message I receive, and I repeat to myself often, is I am just be. I am just be. Alright, friends. Thank you for sticking with me. I hope this episode um, you know, allowed something to spark in you. I whatever you needed to hear and was meant to hear from this episode, I hope it did something for you. But what I want to leave you with is that, especially speaking to the women who are navigating endings or at the cusp of an ending or unsure, is I want to affirm to you that choosing yourself is not abandonment, it's not you abandoning a marriage, a relationship, a job, whatever it might be. Choosing yourself will only lead to your full alignment and happiness. I remember feeling like if I was happy, the world would end. Like it was such an irrational thought, so irrational. I thought that if I was happy, that someone would die, or this would happen, or that would happen. And then God told me, No, your happiness only magnifies and illuminates the world, illuminates my environment, illuminates me. Me and those in my my space. So I'm choosing happiness. I'm choosing to choose myself. And I just want to affirm that in you that your life, when you choose yourself, only illuminates your joy, your happiness illuminates everything else around you. And it takes a lot of courage to live in your truth. And it's hard. It's hard. But you also have to choose your heart. You have to accept that it's going to be hard. And that you will survive and thrive when you choose yourself. That you don't be an orbit in your life. Right? Don't allow everything else to be center. You are center. You are the star of your own life. And I want you to be able to just live in that and shine in that because you deserve it. And I will name and recognize that this part of my life, the marriage, the moving on from a 20-year relationship, it's complete. It's served its purpose. You know, I trust myself. I have radical self-respect, radical self-trust to know that I'm moving in the right direction. And recognizing and owning and understanding that this chapter, it didn't break me. And I'm reclaiming my life in a way that aligns and is and is on terms with Amanda. Alright, friends, so what's next? So I'm not sure what's next for Audacious Black Girl. I think I've said it over and over again that I'm in a season of evolving and elevating, and I'm in my dream season right now. So I'm really just taking the time to dream, to be in receive mode, and to just be present with whatever downloads I receive, whatever God's dream is for me, I'm just receiving. So I don't know what's gonna happen next with Audacious Black Girl. I know, but what I do know is that whatever I do next will be an evolvement and an elevation to the groundwork that um I've done already. Um, and whether that's a shift or whether that's a growing of this platform, um I'm just gonna be in receive mode and see what comes up for me and what's in alignment. But I thank you all so much for being here and just rocking with me and supporting the podcast, supporting the guests, and for listening and hopefully getting as much as you could out of um the podcast and hopefully as much as you could out of this episode. So you can also follow my journey on TikTok, uh, where I'm just really in a reclamation season. I'm just sharing life navigating life after divorce, and let me not say that, it's just Amanda reclaiming herself. So it's fun over there. Um, I hope that you can go on TikTok and find me. It's um at period just j-ust underscore manda m-a-n d a on tick tock. So that's period, you know, a period, a dot, just j-ust underscore manda m-a-n-d-a. And I'll put it in the show notes so you can find it easily. And what I will say is a reason why I chose Manda instead of Amanda is because Manda I feel is who I was um at the age of nine, when creativity and freedom and flow and feeling nurtured and nourished um were pillars in my life when things felt really grounded, when things felt really fun, and I think I'm I am, I know I'm back in that space. So thank you all so very much. I love you all, you amazing, amazing, audacious black girls. But I will see you soon. Bye.